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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
~ 1/16/2007 02:42:00 AM ~
ok great.
i just woke up to do my socpsych journal.
bloody hell.
am so sleepy i doubt i'll accomplish much actually.
not to mention cramps have just set in again.
and i thought they disappeared after sleeping.
RA!
feel like sterilising myself.
then there'll be no more unwanted visits from my aunty.

well, anyway, had my THIRD assessed speech today.
you'd have thought that by now, i'd have become immune to giving speeches.
surprise surprise! you don't know how wrong you are.
i'm amazed that i've been screwing up ALL my speeches so far when i first thought that speech comm may be the only module i may ace.
but time after time, i've let myself down.
i once used to be the top speaker for ALL four years in secondary school.
my speeches used to be delivered with passion, albeit a lil down on the content side.
i remember how, whenever i have a speech/debate competition, i'd run to my dad for help on the CONTENT.
now, however, i'd rather he just present the damn speech for me.
i've never failed like the failure i am when airell told me "you're good at the content. i'm good at the presentation."
this sentence has been reverberating in my head repeatedly since he said it.
yes, i know i suck now.
enough already.
what happened to the old quanrung who could give speeches smoothly no matter how nervous she was, or no matter how big the audience was?
why do i stand up there now, in front of a tiny audience and have my heart beat so hard it feels like it'll pop out any moment? why the stage fright that once i start speaking, my mind goes blank?
fuck. this HAS to stop.
no doubt about that.
it's not like im some stage greenhorn who has NEVER been on stage.
i've been going on stage for an average of 2-3 times a year since primary 1.
i should be well-honed in this aspect.
yet, what the hell happened?
there's the LAST assessed speech soon.
it's worth a bloody 30%.
there's no way i'm gonna be the content-good, presentation-sucky quanrung.
there MUST be someway i can go back to the old me -- brian's relaxed manner + passion.
c'mon girl.
buck up.

but, well...
that can wait.
journal first.
*faints*

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quanrung.alexis


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